In case you hadn’t heard, your humble author (that would be me) was recently included in Virginia Business magazine’s “100 People You Need to Meet in 2023.”
Oh, yeah! How do ya like me NOW? An honest-to-gosh award from a magazine no one else I know even reads.
I’m surprised you didn’t hear about it! Coulda sworn at least ONE of the local papers would have picked up on it! Hmmm?
Some of you are probably asking, “How did you qualify for this award?”
What? Do you think mine is a reputation built upon sham? How dast you? Who WOULDN’T want to meet me?
But since you asked, it was either recognition of sheer talent or else I knew somebody... or both. Your call.
I must admit, this honorific was a bit of a shock. Up till now, I always suspected I was on a list called “100 People You Need to AVOID at All Times.”
So, if any of you have the pleasure of meeting me in person, you have only 99 more people from the list to meet this year. Good luck! I haven’t met any of them, either, and to date none of them have called me up for congratulatory scones and lattes.
I didn’t reveal this award to my family right away. I figured they would just think it was typical Todd posturing and grandstanding. And they would be right, of course.
Overall, no one seemed to care very much about my award. Heck, I got more recognition from the cashier at the Hardee’s drive-thru for ordering the same biscuit two days in a row.
I wasn’t sure what category they’d place me in. Authors? Artists? Humanitarians?
For some reason I was placed in an odd classification: “Hosts.”
Never have I considered myself a “host.” I’m more of a parasite.
My guess is I didn’t really fit in anywhere and the Hosts category had the fewest entrants.
Before you try and navigate their website (and get kicked off because you’re not a subscriber) let me assure you that you are missing very little. Just a pic of me with a short blurb explaining why your life will never be complete until you meet me.
The young lady who interviewed me said it would take an hour-and-a-half by phone. Apparently, a little bit of me goes a long way. Twenty minutes into the interview, she hung up.
Oh, well. Fun to be recognized even if they did include the absolute dullest facts about me and even got some of the other info wrong. I swear, next time I am writing my OWN dang copy. You see, kids? THIS is why celebrities write AUTO-biographies.
Now, as disappointing as the written portion was, I absolutely loved my picture. That took a lot of preparation. I set up a vintage Daguerreotype and remained motionless for six hours to get that image. In fact, my face is now permanently frozen in that position. See for yourself, it’s my new column pic!
Unlike some awards, there was no monetary prize involved. Heck, no award, period. Just a free copy of the magazine that I already subscribe to.
They DID, however, try to entice me into accepting a copy of my write-up ensconced in a nifty Lucite frame — for a price.
Man, did THAT bring me down a notch. Was this award some sort of elaborate ruse just to get me to buy an overpriced Lucite frame for my desk? If so, it failed! Failed, I tell you!
Nonetheless, I asked the Virginia Business editor if he was going to “host” a nice gala in Richmond for all us award recipients. He said, “Umm? No!”
That sucked! Here I was poised to be a specialty magazine debutante; ready to be fawned over by the Virginia Business magazine subscribers — all 30 or 40 of ‘em.
You’d think with this amount of exposure I could get invited to at least ONE party!
But you know what? I don’t care! I’d rather be chillin’ with my homies here in the Twin Counties than hobnobbing with the movers and shakers in Richmond.
Besides, you wanna party with Hot Toddy? Just wait until I win this year’s Pulitzer Prize! THAT’LL be an article to encase in Lucite! I can’t wait! $15,000 will buy a LOT of cocktail weenies!